The Peter Pan Syndrome

A look into the different stages of the mind

We All know the story of “Peter Pan” as depicted in one of the most popular Disney movies, Peter Pan’s character is a metaphor that refers to the concept of not willing to grow up, in another word, “a child consciousness trapped in an adult body”

Although the concept is not clinically recognised as a mental illness, it is a pop-psychology term that has been used informally by both laypeople and some psychology professionals since the 1983 publication of :” The Peter Pan Syndrome: Men Who Have Never Grown Up”, book by Dr. Dan Kiley.

How to define if someone suffers from Peter Pan Syndrome?

“All children, except one, grow up,” J. M. Barrie wrote in his 1911 novel “Peter and Wendy.” He was speaking of Peter Pan, the original boy who wouldn’t grow up.

The Peter-Pan psychological type is characterised by immaturity or certain sorts of psychological, social, and sexual problems. The type of personality in question is immature, his characteristics include attributes such as irresponsibility, rebelliousness, pottering about, anger, narcissism, dependency, manipulativeness, and the belief that he is beyond society’s laws and norms.

Most likely people with Peter pan syndrome were raised in a co-dependent dysfunctional family, lacking healthy boundaries.

Permissive and over-protective parenting styles are usually the main cause of this disorder. As the child reaches adulthood, he finds himself unable to cope with responsibilities.

According to Kiley, “Peter Pan” is the adult little boy who, when in a relationship, is looking for mothering.. The “Peter Pan” type partner is emotionally unavailable, he refuses to define or label the relation. He is avoidant to discussing long-term plans and lives for the day.

He also has difficulties with careers goals, a tendency to skip work when challenged or stressed, or to move jobs frequently due to the lack of motivation.

As a character, he is unreliable and flaky, with almost no control over his emotional outbursts, he expects others to take care of him, and shies away from taking decisions or making serious choices, in fact, such individual keeps his options open in relationships and in life. Due to his inability to handle conflicts or hardships, he usually relies on substances to escape his reality.

To summarise, Peter Pan syndrome is the “failing to launch” into adulthood. It is a stagnation of the child's consciousness due to an emotional trauma, putting a halt on the child’s cognitive process.

A spiritual perspective on the stages of mind

Spirituality looks at an individual development through the lens of the ego-soul dynamic: the growth and development of the ego, the alignment of the ego with the soul, and the activation of the soul consciousness. Thus, we can define the below levels of consciousness:

• The Survival consciousness (Root Chakra): the child at this stage is completely dependent on his parents to get his basic needs.
• The Relationship consciousness (Sacral Chakra): at this stage, the child relates to his loved ones. He has a need to belong, to be loved and protected.
• The Self-Esteem Consciousness (Solar plexus chakra): this level of consciousness is about feeling secure, feeling accepted and validated by the community. it is the stage where social conditioning has a tremendous impact on shaping the personality.
• The Transformation Consciousness (Heart Chakra): The fourth level of human consciousness is about finding freedom and autonomy. The need to discover one’s own identity beyond the parental programming and cultural conditioning, questions such as “Who am I?” and “What is important to me?” are the initiation to discover the true (soul) self.
• Internal Cohesion Consciousness (throat chakra): The fifth level of human consciousness is about finding meaning in your life — finding what your soul came into the world to do. At this level of consciousness, the question is no longer “Who am I?” but “Why am I here in this body?” and “How can I fully express myself?”
• Making a difference consciousness (Third Eye chakra): The sixth level of human consciousness is about making a difference in the world — there is an understanding that the ability to fulfil life purpose is strongly conditioned by the ability to connect with others.
• Service consciousness (Crown chakra): The seventh level is about selfless service to the cause or the work which allows you to use your gifts and talents — the work you were born to do. You reach this level of consciousness when making a difference becomes a way of life — when you surrender to your soul.

The first three stages of development involve establishing the ego as a viable, independent entity in its physical, social and cultural framework of existence. The fourth stage of development involves aligning the motivations of your ego with the motivations of your soul. The last three stages of development involve activating your soul’s consciousness.

The Healing Process

Healing modalities consider three fundamental stages of development of the psyche :

• The Child mindset stage, or the Peter Pan syndrome, corresponds to imbalances in the first three chakras, because of wounds experienced in childhood, which do not allow a healthy transition to adulthood. A healthy transition to adulthood occurs at the age of 22 for females and 30 for males, if an individual transits to adulthood but still have some unhealed wounds from childhood, he will be in an over-corrected adult mindset, such individuals can be workaholics, over-achievers, or wild party animals. Belief and fear work is the way to go here, tackling wounds like safety, security, self-worth, self-esteem, anger, shame, guilt, self-reliance allows these individuals to make it to the next stage.
• The adult mind stage is linked to the heart and throat chakras, individuals at this stage are mature & independent. They discovered the voice of their soul, and they are crafting their self-concept, however, there is a tendency to have unhealthy boundaries, and emotional imbalances, which can drain their energy. Cultivating self-love & a balanced lifestyle, as well as releasing attachments and implementing healthy boundaries, will definitely help to facilitate their transition to the next stage.
• The natural transition to the sage mindset, the last level of development, starts at the age of 40 in both genders. Sage individuals have an expansive consciousness. They are kind and nurturing to others while maintaining healthy boundaries. They are philanthropists, devoted to serving humanity. They feel a good sense of union with people and with the creator.

Generally, a good way to identify your mind stage is to reflect on your triggers. Knowing the mind stage of who is triggering you will provide an understanding of their wounds, making it easy to forgive and move on without holding grudges or resentment against them.